Will I Be Able to Love My Child Made From a Donor Egg as Much as My Own?

This is a common question we get most often.

And, 

"YOU MIGHT LOVE THEM MORE," was my answer.

I don't know how to compare my love to anything else, but I can tell you this: it's the best. A bond stronger than anything I could have imagined.

THIS GIRL is "MY OWN"

Did I think about having a child with the DNA of another woman? No, that's obvious. Did I think I'd love a child who doesn't look like me so much that it hurts? Not even close. We all have a perfect picture of how we want our lives to be, but that doesn't mean that's how it should be.

I'm sure my daughter was sent to me first for a good reason.

An angel who looks like my child and helps me through life. It makes me think of the kind of woman I want to be and how much I deserve her love. If I hadn't used donor eggs to make her, she wouldn't be her, and I wouldn't be me without her. I know that she was the one I fought for all those years. She was always supposed to be ours, right here and right now. All that fighting made me the best version of myself, and I now get to show her as her mother.

OUR EGG DONOR NOT ONLY GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY OF CREATING A NEW LIFE BUT THE GIFT OF SAVING MY OWN.

It's hard to remember how lost I was some days. So bare. So broken. I knew that even the worst things that could happen to me wouldn't kill me. But some days, I thought I was going to die. Most people can't understand what it's like to have trouble getting pregnant unless they've been there themselves. Every month, the pain of loss starts all over again and worsens. Putting more holes in your heart than before. Getting nowhere. You never get a chance to breathe. Then your heart starts to mend a little, only to be torn apart again. And again. And again.

I couldn't find anything to be happy about some days. No, Not One. Damn. Thing. 

What now? 

Now, I can't think of anything that makes me sad. When this beautiful ray of sunshine was put in my arms, I knew my life would never again be so dark and sad. It's just too bright to turn off.

In my book, a real-life Angel is anyone who gives up a part of themselves to help another person. The egg donor agency in the USA helped make a new life and save an existing one. 

They give women like me a good chance of becoming someone's biological mother and growing and caring for a baby from the inside. A woman who would have no chance otherwise.

I'm so glad I could love and long for my children before they were born. Long before they even exist. I loved her very much when my daughter was just a 5-day-old embryo under a microscope. When she was just a dream, I loved her. I walked to hell and back to bring her here, and I would do it all over again.

Some people think that all babies born from in vitro fertilization are strong. I mean, it makes sense to me. To get here, they must have fought, right? They have to be strong to get through all they have to go through to get to the next stage and become a fetus. It's a lot of work! And it's not just because they are strong. They also need to have strong hearts and souls. These little fighters are right next to us, doing their part to stay alive like we are.

I think she does have some of me in her. Most people might not see it, but I can see the pieces. Maybe only I can see these things, and that's fine. I don't think anyone will think we look the same. She looks just like her dad. I'm talking about her soul. Her strength. Her independence. Her crazies. She liked the water a lot. And songs. And dancing. That's the kind of thing I want to talk about.